If you read my previous post you’ll know that I’m one for having bad habits. The sort of habits that detriment my mental health. Recently I’ve been challenging these, I want to be free of the routine burdens. They hold me back in so many aspects of life so it’s time I got rid.
This change in mind came when I started CBT. I decided I wanted to take back control of my life, not let silly thoughts overwhelm me. So I sat down and had a think about the things I do on a daily.
Silly things came to mind, like making me bed as soon as I get out of it, I can’t just leave it and come back to it. Sweeping the floor is another, I do it every morning without fail. Oh and washing up, even if I use one thing like a spoon I have to wash it up and put it back. Everything always has to be perfect. I challenged these rituals by thinking of others, its perfectly normal to go around someone else’s house and see they’ve got a bit of washing up. I don’t judge them so why would I have it in my head that it’s an issue.
Unfortunately I have other obsessions, more damaging ones including making sure I get 12,200 steps a day, skin picking when I’m stressed/anxious, and planning every bit of food I eat. I also create different goals throughout the day, pushing myself to the breaking point. These are all ways I control my anxiety.
So I found myself in this awful routine, and I decided to challenge all of these habits. Wow that was a shock to the system and so detrimental. Of course I failed, how could I go from being in control of some many things to saying no to all of them!
Instead I’m taking things one step at a time. Challengeing something in the moment if it feels like the right time.
Talking about these things, letting friends know and having their support has been great. For so long I’ve supressed these struggles-but now it feels okay. It’s also great because once you open up, others tend to as well, so you’re not so alone.
Taking a back step in some of my responsibilities has allowed me to loosen up. Multitasking, trying to squeeze so much into life became such a task. It’s important to have down time for yourself, something I never used to consider.
Another thing that has helped me greatly is appreciating the small things. If I’m feeling overwhelmed, I like to take a step back and have a think. What is it that seems so bad? Most of the time I’m actually okay, nothing bad is happening so why am I in such a state? Allowing myself time to process things and ground myself. Then I think about how lucky I am to be safe, fed and well.
Sharing my mental health journey has made the biggest impact, so many people have reached out and said that reading my blog has helped and they find it inspiring. This fills me with warmth because suddenly I don’t feel so alone.
Although right now I don’t feel my best, I know it’s just a phase that will pass.